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yall ever read a poem after days/weeks/what is time of just not doing good stuff for yourself and it feels like the sun decided to rise again in your chest? thats me and The Cactus by Jane Wong today

like, life, i guess i will try to hold you again

"did our mothers invent loneliness or did it make it our mothers?" gettin back to the words/performances/experiences that ground me/have grounded me for years and years thank you always Safia Elhillo

youtube.com/watch?v=dh5wSt-hfL

ace of spades is $2.99, dhonielle clayton's new book is 99 cents, i finished girls that never die last night. world, you seek to let me down on the regular but BOOKS!! BOOK HOW YOU ALWAYS MAKE LIFE WORTH LIVING AMEN

reminder to myself that i can call dibs on an article on a thursday, see it friday, turn in a draft on monday (when i said i would), and see it come out soon after. ive told myself in the past i couldn’t do this but i can, and it’s not a fluke, and i can do it again.

autostraddle.com/nope-review/

sorry to whoever but im centering my joy today and will not be taking any actions to the contrary sent my way at this time thanks

"I refuse to detail the humiliations that keep me up at night.

I am pulling a blanket over my head.

Or, I’m elated by 30 seconds of rain."

QUALM by Aria Banias, hyperallergic.com/441858/one-p

"Language itself is a revenant – that is, a ghost that walks again by repeating and being repeatable. It is older than the speaker, and it will live long after the speaker has died, thus indicating a future to come that is a repetition of the past and the present but still different. (1/2)

"Language speaks the speaker, as if ghosts of past generations possesses them in order for them to express themselves to ghosts of the present as well as those of the future." (2/2)

~Line Henriksen, “Spread the Word”: Creepypasta, Hauntology, and an Ethics of the Curse, 2018

this is a really great resource for supporting survivors/transformative justice around violence: canva.com/design/DAFGa0haxkc/s

"the unforgiving war of attrition that the pursuit of justice can often feel like, especially for those restlessly seeking it alone, against an indifferent world. The show is interested in how the longing for justice, unfulfilled, can literally break us down: break our families apart, break our bodies apart." (1/2)

~Elaine Castillo, White Fantasy Appropriates Stories of Oppression from People of Color

"The show points to the lone vigilante in American culture and reveals that he has always been a lie: the work of justice was never meant to be solitary. We inherit that work from each other; we inherit it from people we don’t even know. Our history is in each other, like deposits in the bones, there in the blood and saliva. In this we are not special." (2/2)

~Elaine Castillo, White Fantasy Appropriates Stories of Oppression from People of Color

"“Black experience in any modern city or town in the Americas is a haunting. One enters a room and history follows; one enters a room and history precedes. History is already seated in the chair in the empty room when one arrives. Where one stands in a society seems always related to this historical experience.”

~Dionne Brand

today i am reminding myself that it is a blessing to be able to create, that the feelings going to the creating process are not always feelings i want, but that doesn't mean creation should be abandoned. drinking water, taking a nap, screaming, talking to my plant, talking to my people, scribbling in a notebook, making coffee, remembering to eat, scrolling and finding inspiration and going down a rabbit hole, they (and more) are all parts of creating. they are not all easy but they can be good.

religious but good for me 

“that there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭12:25-27‬ ‭KJV‬‬

"No poem is worth re-traumatizing yourself over."

~Shira Erlichman (both the creation and the receiving of it)

youre telling me i took a whole day off to center myself in joy, like ground myself in the good dirt of it, and i *still* get good news and space to get myself together????

(next part in all caps)

APPARENTLY A FUCKING LIFE HACK

so in the scheme of things, my job is absolutely not the worst. but i write these things to remember that that is not enough. that not actively hurting someone is not the same as actively helping others. i dont want to let myself to fall into the capitalistic trap of "oh it could be worse" as my foundational mindset. "things can and should be better" is what i want to base my actions/thoughts on and im just going to try to keep holding on to that.

its wild to hear the extreme differences in definition of transparency between the side hustle (main income) and the heartwork (here)

"we're being transparent" no no no im sorry youre just performing it

"I sometimes imagine she invented violence and the rest of us are pale imitators."

~Tade Thompson, The Survival of Molly Southbourne

"and have you ever tried to walk in such a time of great rupture?"

~Morgan Talty, Night of the Living Rez

honey! if you can write 2,268 words in two days for a pvalley roundtable, you can write what you need to write! it may not be perfect but it'll exist and that's what we're going for! go forth!

“It is just crazy that the first Tony I’m winning is for a role that I wrote for myself,” says Iman. “This is not something we wanted to do. It just came out of answering the call to the community. But it is wonderful to be acknowledged for the work. And we’re just excited that the visibility will allow us to keep doing the work that we’ve been doing for five years.”

~Amber Iman, Founder of Broadway Advocacy Coalition

was having a panic attack on the way to getting books (had to go through a mall which felt akin to frodo going to mordor) and these robot sculptures were in the outside thingy (gazebo? idk) and Robots is one of my favorite movies so what an unexpected way to remember to breathe through the panic

im in a professional development meeting and we had to write a casual email and then a professional one and one of my counselors goes, "i love the flip, i can see the poetry there" / its nice to think that i dont lose my poetry even in spaces that refuse to believe that it's important

first the pvalley roundtable drops, i finished my draft on an essay thats been kicking my butt because i want to be able to play ValiDate
all weekend without guilt, ValiDate having steam keys

guys its all coming together for the good of the black queer over here 😭🙌🏾🙌🏾🥹

honey, listen!!! i love me some P-Valley! (this is something i had so much fun working with shelli, carmen, and headed by natalie, with!)

autostraddle.com/p-valley-seas

"Stop seeking individualistic solutions to collective problems." @/negrosubversive on bird site

being fat is not inherently a bad thing. the way society treats fat people is inherently a bad thing. trying to remember that even though society demands i see myself as a bad thing because i am fat, that does not make me a bad thing. my being fat is not bad. it doesn't have to be anything other than what it is, when its between me and myself. i know i gotta fight out there about it, but i refuse to hurt myself over this.

i just got out of a like three hour class where i got to hear from one of my favorite teachers, one of my favorite poets, and then wrote a poem in the after-share and its 41 lines long and one of the best things ive ever written for myself and i shared it and this community is so lovely and what a gift what a fucking gift imma cry

"Just because we have birds inside us, we don't have to be cages."

—Dean Young

wild how relationships are just choosing to do the work of loving growing and learning with one another intentionally like all the time

bro i really got a whole ass crush and she likes me back! this is absolutely lovely and extremely terrifying im just sitting here cheesing trying to also lowkey think of strategies to prevent me from self-sabotaging like hey self! just enjoy the ride! we'll figure it out cause it's not just you in this!

i love my friends so much a lot of love with crushes sprinkled on top i just love this for me

i haven't gotten any work done because i just keep looking out the window thinking about how much i love my friends its really gay

like how am i supposed to be productive in anything other than love under these conditions

"I want more than anything to love the choice I make. Love it with abandon, proudly, building a temple upon it."

Rebecca Dinerstein Knight, Hex

i feel like the essay i want to write is too big for me and im saying that because i need to write it anyways, regardless of whether it’s possible or not

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good dream 

i got to hug my grandma and say good mundane things to her and her to me, and my mom got to do the same, before i woke up :blob_melt_sob_love: :blob_melt_sob_love: :blob_melt_sob_love:

a lot of healing is like stepping back and realizing: actually no, i should not have suffered that much and now i gotta make sure i don’t continue that cycle with me or anyone else.

it’s hard.

work: we want you to show up as your FULL self!

mama toni morrison: “I probably spend about 60 percent of my time hiding [..] I teach my children that there is a part of yourself that you keep from white people- always.”

always mama toni over y’all so

the first thing you need to do when you feel like you no longer want to exist is to drink water

@wenotfreeyet hello this is hella fuckin hard to do thank you for even just voicing it. i come from a culture of denial and excusing suffering, victim blaming. it was taught to me. i have to come to terms with what that really means. still working on it.

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