i can and will rest and not shame myself, nor let anyone else shame me, for it.
my joy and good life and growth are not on layaway, im living my life the best i can now, because i deserve yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
i will not work myself into my grave.
i will not voluntarily remain in the company of those who do not care for me and are not committed to showing me the good care i know i deserve.
i am worth the best life has to offer. i was worthy then, i am worthy now, and i will remain so.
"In the context of a colonized society that reduces freedom into superficial consumer choices or bluntly eliminates that freedom through systemic violence, writing can question unjust hierarchies & unthinking habits that need to be reconsidered.It can make space for the imagination to move swiftly as dragonflies at dusk, or as easily as otters floating affectionately together. It makes room for a world where every creature has a place, every life form matters."~Rita Wong, https://poems.com/features/what-sparks-poetry/rita-wong/
"This is why I write: because this process of coming to language, to words, keeps alive a commitment to be in better relations with one another, to not merely absorb and repeat colonial violence unthinkingly, but to enact the kinship we are capable of, if we try, and to live better stories with each breath, each action, we offer the earth." (2/2)
one of my favorite artists tagged me in a tweet telling their followers to support me (among others) as a trans person and im gonna bust out into tears because the call i just had with someone at school about how my teachers keep misnaming and misgendering which is embarrassing at best, and demoralizing at worst (its always worst) has taken so much out of me and i cant even tell my family how stressful it is and im just so fucking sad but that helps so much please support annie mok if you can
i woke up from my nap and watched the rest of the game with my family and laughed a lot and the group chat was good and im gonna go to sleep and idk things are still so *gestures vaguely but with sad undertones* but at least in this moment i can be thankful for some black children being alive and knowing that *they* know they are loved
bible quote thats been resonating with me a lot
"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
Romans 5:3-5 KJV
" I am a midwife to the magic that wants to move through me. I am a gateway for the gifts that have chosen me. I don’t doubt what the Universe has given me — I give it all the chances it deserves to go forth and prosper. "
CHANI, Your Guide to the Week of May 2nd, https://mailchi.mp/chaninicholas/corrected-your-guide-to-the-week-of-may-2nd-2022, https://chaninicholas.com/
you know when you finally journal and you think its been five minutes and its been fifteen and youre not sure you got all of it out but you got some of it which is 100% more than what youve been doing before and you dont necessarily feel better but you know that how you feel right now is a step towards feeling better sometime in the future
sometimes i have the money to help you out, sometimes i don't. sometimes you have the money to help me out, sometimes you don't. trying to remember that in all of these, it is not a moral failing. Even though we may feel bad that we can't help monetarily in the moment, that doesn't undo how much we care for one another. it's hard though.
“Care is a dimension of love, but simply giving care does not mean we are loving. Abuse and neglect negate love. Care and affirmation, the opposite of abuse and humiliation, are the foundations of love. No one can rightfully claim to be loving when behaving abusively” -bell hooks
gentle reminder that if you’re mad at how your body has changed within the past 2 yrs pls remember your body is carrying you through a pandemic as best it can, in the face of nearly daily uncertainty and i know it doesn’t make it easier, but please remember your body is trying. and remember, your mind is a part of your body. it’s doing it’s best too. im so proud of you.
i have got to stop trying to go back to who i was before that person can never exist and even if they could, what good would it do it is not only impossible to return to the past but trying to wear the before of me, it could destroy me i dont want to destroy me i want the soft of her, the slight pressure of her hand on the space right above my hip, i have got to stop trying to go back there is nothing for me there and the past will not take my anyways im not going to where im not wanted anymore
a personal server