anyone else learning to de-center whiteness and finding their life is better than they could ever have imagined?

"It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I'd been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here."

~James Baldwin

"Is it
that you have nowhere
to go? No. Your family

loves you. But here you are
the only monster."
~Red-Lipped Poem by Tarfia Faizullah

I AM GOING TO EAT MY OWN HANDS

"The future lives in our bodies
Touch it."

~Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Femme Futures

"I love you; then what? Hands"

~One Way or Another by Maya C. Popa

THIS LINE/BREAK??? I AM EATING THE WALLS

okay, so im working on a plan and things are gonna be good (they already have good in them). i have everything i need to accomplish what i need and that includes learning what i need to acquire through this process. i got this.

adding a new theme song to myself when i get bothered:

that aint got shit to do with me
honey i could be worried
but for why baby cause
that bullshit???
aint got shit to do with me!

fear doesnt mean i shouldnt do it, it just means i gotta be kinder to myself as i do it

"Aging, at all. I want that."

~Black Lead in a Nancy Meyers Film by Rio Cortez

"youre not lacking. you got it. youre beautiful." NOT ME CRYING BIG TEARS AT Lizzo’s BIG GRRLS i dont feel like a woman anymore but i will always be a black girl and this IS JUST EVERYTHING THANK YOU

just because the hurt is less doesnt mean the hurt shoudl be ignored.

“When you haven’t said anything, you’re more vulnerable to somebody getting rid of you” and passing it off as “an accident,”

~Evan Rachel Wood, Evan Rachel Wood Faced Her Fear by Angelina Chapin

i can and will rest and not shame myself, nor let anyone else shame me, for it.
my joy and good life and growth are not on layaway, im living my life the best i can now, because i deserve yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
i will not work myself into my grave.
i will not voluntarily remain in the company of those who do not care for me and are not committed to showing me the good care i know i deserve.
i am worth the best life has to offer. i was worthy then, i am worthy now, and i will remain so.

i will work towards getting the best life has to offer, because even though i am worthy of it and it will come, that doesnt mean i cannot continue to grow.

"In the context of a colonized society that reduces freedom into superficial consumer choices or bluntly eliminates that freedom through systemic violence, writing can question unjust hierarchies & unthinking habits that need to be reconsidered.It can make space for the imagination to move swiftly as dragonflies at dusk, or as easily as otters floating affectionately together. It makes room for a world where every creature has a place, every life form matters."~Rita Wong, poems.com/features/what-sparks

"Reciprocity is called for — it sings in our bones if we take the time to listen. We stop the pattern of colonial destruction by living more simply, more mindfully, by taking the power of the land’s words and Indigenous stories seriously."

~Rita Wong

"Talk of “reconciliation” is merely hollow rhetoric or cynical manipulation of traumatized peoples, unless actions back up the words: to not reinflict the violences of the past again today."

~Rita Wong

"And it is a writer’s task to refuse to accept this unjust violent tearing away of people from their homes. It is a writer’s task to keep looking, speaking, singing, writing, remembering so as to change the field of what is possible, here and around the world we call home." (1/2)
~Rita Wong

"This is why I write: because this process of coming to language, to words, keeps alive a commitment to be in better relations with one another, to not merely absorb and repeat colonial violence unthinkingly, but to enact the kinship we are capable of, if we try, and to live better stories with each breath, each action, we offer the earth." (2/2)

~Rita Wong

"Because freedom, I am told, is nothing but the distance between the hunter and its prey."

~Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

"How could I know the dark
inside their mouths hurt them, too."

~Farnaz by Farnaz Fatemi

one of my favorite artists tagged me in a tweet telling their followers to support me (among others) as a trans person and im gonna bust out into tears because the call i just had with someone at school about how my teachers keep misnaming and misgendering which is embarrassing at best, and demoralizing at worst (its always worst) has taken so much out of me and i cant even tell my family how stressful it is and im just so fucking sad but that helps so much please support annie mok if you can

"We’re coming back for something that was taken from us when we swept a grave violation under the rug. Observe the way Nature herself metes out justice."

CHANI App, Your Horoscope for Mercury in Taurus 2022

"The smallest deed is better than the grandest intention."

~Anonymous

i woke up from my nap and watched the rest of the game with my family and laughed a lot and the group chat was good and im gonna go to sleep and idk things are still so *gestures vaguely but with sad undertones* but at least in this moment i can be thankful for some black children being alive and knowing that *they* know they are loved

"The truth does not care. The thing that is happening will happen whether you believe me or not."

~Pet, Akwaeke Emezi

Am I a terrible person? she asked Pet.
There is no such thing, it replied. There is only what you do.

~Pet, Akwaeke Emezi

What, you like being feared?
It has its advantages when you are a thing that does not fit.

~Pet, Akwaeke Emezi

"I know you want to get home but it's not worth hurting people."

~The Owl house

bible quote thats been resonating with me a lot 

"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:3-5‬ ‭KJV

this was like really helpful

from CHANI newsletter, Your horoscope for Mercury in Gemini 2022

" I am a midwife to the magic that wants to move through me. I am a gateway for the gifts that have chosen me. I don’t doubt what the Universe has given me — I give it all the chances it deserves to go forth and prosper. "

CHANI, Your Guide to the Week of May 2nd, mailchi.mp/chaninicholas/corre, chaninicholas.com/

you know when you finally journal and you think its been five minutes and its been fifteen and youre not sure you got all of it out but you got some of it which is 100% more than what youve been doing before and you dont necessarily feel better but you know that how you feel right now is a step towards feeling better sometime in the future

sometimes i have the money to help you out, sometimes i don't. sometimes you have the money to help me out, sometimes you don't. trying to remember that in all of these, it is not a moral failing. Even though we may feel bad that we can't help monetarily in the moment, that doesn't undo how much we care for one another. it's hard though.

"There’s no way you can function, let alone create, if you’re missing out on the opportunities to pour into yourself. A lot of us are waiting for one thing or another to happen before we really dedicate the time to take care of ourselves. That’s not fair to you."

~Melissa, founder of

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“Care is a dimension of love, but simply giving care does not mean we are loving. Abuse and neglect negate love. Care and affirmation, the opposite of abuse and humiliation, are the foundations of love. No one can rightfully claim to be loving when behaving abusively” -bell hooks

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gentle reminder that if you’re mad at how your body has changed within the past 2 yrs pls remember your body is carrying you through a pandemic as best it can, in the face of nearly daily uncertainty and i know it doesn’t make it easier, but please remember your body is trying. and remember, your mind is a part of your body. it’s doing it’s best too. im so proud of you.

religious 

“You cannot rationalize God.” ~my sister

unlearning the belief that i am the sole reason for so much awful in the world. like when i stepped on a crack in 3rd grade & 10 years later my mom’s back starts to hurt & i immediately guilt into “this is my fault.” honeyself, you don’t have that power. so don’t take that guilt.

everything everywhere all at once is a masterpiece. i need to thank them for letting us live in the interior. w so many stories, you have to Leave your family to be worthy of story, but sometimes you just cannot leave. there are still stories and lives even when you cannot leave

"then i will cherish these few specks in time."

JESUS

i have got to stop trying to go back to who i was before that person can never exist and even if they could, what good would it do it is not only impossible to return to the past but trying to wear the before of me, it could destroy me i dont want to destroy me i want the soft of her, the slight pressure of her hand on the space right above my hip, i have got to stop trying to go back there is nothing for me there and the past will not take my anyways im not going to where im not wanted anymore

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