I've gotten better at understanding my boundaries and as people are coming out of quarantine, I don't want to shift things around just to please others. My dad said I should write down my boundaries and so these are my social ones so far, (being written to others as well as to myself):
✅ If you're not coming to me with love, you don't need to come to me at all
✅ My mask stays on (1/?)
✅ If you see me in the streets and I am not alone, do not call me Tony or A. Tony
✅ If I say I am uncomfortable talking about a topic and you continue to talk about it, I will remove myself from the conversation without further explanation
✅ If you misgender me, I reserve the right not to respond to you (because you are clearly not addressing me) and/or not verbally/textually confirm your apology lol cause that shit hurt
✅ If you come to me asking me to do emotional labor especially in contexts regarding race, sexuality, trauma, and gender AND you are not a part of these communities, you can start at $15/hr for my time because I am tired
✅ I'm not going to over-explain myself especially when I am asking for monetary assistance. You'll help or you won't and I won't dig up my trauma to convince you to do the former.
✅ If I do not feel safe, I will leave.
✅ If I do not feel safe, I will leave.
✅ If I do not feel safe, I will leave.
✅ Please ask for think time (time away from the conversation, time to collect yourself/evaluate your emotions and come back, or time to decide that you do not want to come back to the conversation at all) if you need it and let me know where we stand. I will be doing the same.
✅ I understand that I'm wrong a lot, and I'm still learning, like we all are, so I'm making sure that I keep space open for misunderstandings and stepping on toes and such. But, I am listening to my gut first and foremost, and if I believe you acted in ill will, I'm not going to go around with you and talk myself out of it. (7/7)
i So encourage you to write yours out and keep them somewhere you can see them, especially if youve been traumatized/are working through trauma
@wenotfreeyet such a good suggestion
@wenotfreeyet all of these are great and resonant for me but especially this one
✅ If you gotta ask me for shit/wanna talk, please do it written (unless it's an emergency/we've established other boundaries). I am not good w audio communication (if you want to send audio files that's fine) and it is the easiest way to make me collapse around my boundaries. Having said this, I know that if you do it anyway, I have no reason to talk to you.
✅ If you're asking me for something with a <24 hour turn around, be ready for the answer to be most likely be No