I've gotten better at understanding my boundaries and as people are coming out of quarantine, I don't want to shift things around just to please others. My dad said I should write down my boundaries and so these are my social ones so far, (being written to others as well as to myself):
✅ If you're not coming to me with love, you don't need to come to me at all
✅ My mask stays on (1/?)
✅ If you gotta ask me for shit/wanna talk, please do it written (unless it's an emergency/we've established other boundaries). I am not good w audio communication (if you want to send audio files that's fine) and it is the easiest way to make me collapse around my boundaries. Having said this, I know that if you do it anyway, I have no reason to talk to you.
✅ If you're asking me for something with a <24 hour turn around, be ready for the answer to be most likely be No
✅ If you see me in the streets and I am not alone, do not call me Tony or A. Tony
✅ If I say I am uncomfortable talking about a topic and you continue to talk about it, I will remove myself from the conversation without further explanation
✅ If you misgender me, I reserve the right not to respond to you (because you are clearly not addressing me) and/or not verbally/textually confirm your apology lol cause that shit hurt
✅ If you come to me asking me to do emotional labor especially in contexts regarding race, sexuality, trauma, and gender AND you are not a part of these communities, you can start at $15/hr for my time because I am tired
✅ I'm not going to over-explain myself especially when I am asking for monetary assistance. You'll help or you won't and I won't dig up my trauma to convince you to do the former.
✅ I understand that I'm wrong a lot, and I'm still learning, like we all are, so I'm making sure that I keep space open for misunderstandings and stepping on toes and such. But, I am listening to my gut first and foremost, and if I believe you acted in ill will, I'm not going to go around with you and talk myself out of it. (7/7)
a personal server for a black nonbinary traumatized person