i watched two of the next classes for my wood puppetry class and in what uNIVERSE did i think i would just casually use a band saw i respect power tools and they are terrifying and every time he went near one i almost passed out i will be investing in a workout routine so i can use these hand tools thank you and good night

i was carving yesterday instead of using my computer or phone for most of the day cause fuck that and its nice cause everyone in my family is like "you really do enjoy that dont you? its really good you found that" and im 🥰🥰🥰🥰

what does one even bring to a puppet open mic

i dont even have a puppet yet they were like if youre working on a short form piece um???? if i dont make something happen today i will be coming in with my socks on my hands and a shit ton of suspension of belief

i was able to do my introduction before my family came back to the car so i could say my name and pronouns and how nervous i am 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

i have to journal or something we just had a 1 hr 50 min orientation and my anxiety has been at 42/10 since (im in a board meeting for another organization and we did a check in and i could NOT bring my voice down)

praise God my family is sick of me but they took me to michaels to get some supplies i feel like the kid telling my parents about my project due tomorrow and they get my stuff at 10 51 pm

i’ve gone to warm up and intro session with my strand (we’re on lunch now) and i love it so much 😭 :ameowbongo: 🥰 🥰 🥰 🥰 ☺️ 😭 🙌🏾 🙌🏾 🙌🏾 🙌🏾

broski bruh bro this is called an intensive for a reason ive never had to think about my body so much its unnerving and exciting

i cleaned off my desk after the first class because my bed is NOT doing it today and i feel a bit better (i got some kind of work sprung on me and its due in like 6 hours but we're pushing through) and at least the master class is after lunch and we're just supposed to listen which honey i can do real well

ive agreed to do a live puppet performance on thursday

what have i done

im calming myself down a bit by remembering i dont even know what theyre expecting, their tagline is literally: "risk. fail. risk again." so itll be okay, im just so tired

i think ill just watch it on my phone so i can sleep and ill try again tomorrow

we have to dress up to take our pride pictures and im already laughing because my colors are v small against all black because im like

i am the pride

i perform tonight and i’m still not quite sure how this is gonna happen so of course i’m awake three hours earlier than i need to be

i have the backgrounds nearly finished (just have to hang one up) and im gonna try to do the last person-like sculpture and if it doesnt work ill just use a doll

ive made a sound file just in case i get too nervous

my sister did a test run w me and i got on her nerves but really blessed to have her

we did a small tech i go on in an hour at one point one of the people hosting went "awww" and im taking that as a good thing

rehearsing and trying to make peace w the face that since its a live show it will not be as smooth as i make it in my head and thats okay

its going to be a minute and a half TOPS and im still like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :blobsweats: :blobsweats: :blobsweats:

im so fucking happy and it seems like we have the most relaxed teacher about end of week performances so everyone else is freaking out meanwhile we're literally just going to chill on camera bless up im going to bed I DID IT HOLY SHIT

will i celebrate making it through the conference tonight by watching in the heights or sleeping (excited question marks)
stay tuned

warm ups start in 20 min and i only went to day one’s cause i was EXHAUSTED every other day and i’m still exhausted but since it’s the last one i think i wanna try
maybe i’ll come in like ten minutes later though

i was going to go the last 30 minutes but it seems like we're doing group things where we observe one another and nope

the peace that comes from being in a breakout room by yourself waiting for your class to arrive knowing they are usually a few minutes late, that it take a while to settle in

there are so many people in my group that i am willing to fight for and my teacher is top among them

i was mistaken the end of conference project is a Lot More than i expected but i keep thinking that by 11:30 tonight??? ill be sleep

in about seven hours ill be finished with the Eugene O'Neill Puppetry Conference and i just want to say thank you so much for donating so i could go here. i came in super anxious because the orientation on sunday had me reasy to skedaddle, but ive met some really wonderful people and feel more creative, more able to be myself fully, than i have in a long time. thank you for supporting me.


it reads as if you all havent seen me putting nearly hourly statuses cause this is the Outside Masto Proof one

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we're doing our final performance (my group went first) and i love my group but DAMMIT there was a group of all black people i wish i had done that too somehow

me: i cant believe i wont be able to do work outs this week :/

this puppet conference: oh bitch you wish HERE WE GO

everyone at the conference used my name all week!! 🥰🥰🥰

forreal shout out to my teacher tho she was six hours ahead of us and still kind i would’ve taped myself given the class the recording and have gone to sleep what the heck

its been 24 hours since the conference and the most recent emails in my mailbox are:

Michaels Store has received your order
Cash App paid Michaels Store
Paypal has a new login
Plaza Arts Online Account has been created!

so it begins :ameowbongo: :blobpeek:

my hand puppets have arrived :blobcatboo: (i need a mischief emoji)

“I have to work with someone, someone who can help me out of writing holes, someone to feed me suggestions when my invention flags, someone I can feed in return. To be part of a collaboration is to be part of a family.”

~Stephen Sondheim

"Marionettes and well-manipulated tabletop puppets could be metaphors for control from the effects of outside forces. Shadow puppets hint at flashbacks, liminal states, dreams, and hallucinations. Live feed evokes surveillance, simultaneity, multiple perspectives, and the cinematic." (1/2)

~Marsian De Lellis

"Pop-ups might be suited to a story that unfolds. Toy theatre can illustrate abstract concepts like capitalism, or the immune system, and epic stories taking place over time and locations. Hand puppets could callback childhood memories." (2/2)

~Marsian De Lellis

"As members of the creative team know so well, this is the subjunctive power of puppet theatre: using the fantastic unreality of the puppet to provide audiences with a entry point onto the performance, or in this case, onto their own history and the way it shapes the present."

~Joshua Williams, Puppets and Politics in South Africa

found links to puppetry by not-white people and i am VERY excited

this was one of the pieces that got me really excited about puppets again: youtube.com/watch?v=4hITQJfX_9

like this is my community!!! these are our stories *dun dun*

"Pairing Star Wars with the wayang kulit tradition may seem odd and uncomplimentary at first, but in many ways they are made for each other. For one, they both employ puppetry. In the early Star Wars films George Lucas used puppetry for major, non-human characters, such as Jedi Master Yoda and Jabba the Hut. What’s more, they are both grounded in myth." (1/2)

~Jenna Gerdsen, howlround.com/new-hope-wayang-

"Lastly, both A New Hope and Peperangan Bintang feature archetypes, like the evil villain, the beautiful princess, the young male hero, and the clownish side characters. In short, Star Wars translates really well into the wayang kulit tradition because they both ultimately teach the same lessons." (2/2)

~Jenna Gerdsen

"I chose the materials for aesthetic reasons, but once they were assembled and in a puppeteer's hands, they really told us what to do. Too much manipulation degraded the character. So we had to step back and observe what it wanted to do, how little movement was actually necessary for the character to bloom. That idea of the economy of movement—how little do we actually have to move a puppet to achieve expression—has become a constant touchstone for me."

~Stephanie Diaz, howlround.com/language-objects

so i was just supposed to find out that paula vogel is a (seemingly butch) lesbian all by myself?

you may be saying, but tj who else but a not-straight person could write indecent?

and to that i say, reader, i have been cruelly bamboozled before

"I'm not a big why person. I try to live more in the why not?"

~Stephanie Diaz

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a personal server for a black nonbinary traumatized person