i watched two of the next classes for my wood puppetry class and in what uNIVERSE did i think i would just casually use a band saw i respect power tools and they are terrifying and every time he went near one i almost passed out i will be investing in a workout routine so i can use these hand tools thank you and good night

i was carving yesterday instead of using my computer or phone for most of the day cause fuck that and its nice cause everyone in my family is like "you really do enjoy that dont you? its really good you found that" and im ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

what does one even bring to a puppet open mic

i dont even have a puppet yet they were like if youre working on a short form piece um???? if i dont make something happen today i will be coming in with my socks on my hands and a shit ton of suspension of belief

i was able to do my introduction before my family came back to the car so i could say my name and pronouns and how nervous i am ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ

i have to journal or something we just had a 1 hr 50 min orientation and my anxiety has been at 42/10 since (im in a board meeting for another organization and we did a check in and i could NOT bring my voice down)

praise God my family is sick of me but they took me to michaels to get some supplies i feel like the kid telling my parents about my project due tomorrow and they get my stuff at 10 51 pm

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iโ€™ve gone to warm up and intro session with my strand (weโ€™re on lunch now) and i love it so much ๐Ÿ˜ญ :ameowbongo: ๐Ÿฅฐ ๐Ÿฅฐ ๐Ÿฅฐ ๐Ÿฅฐ โ˜บ๏ธ ๐Ÿ˜ญ ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ

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broski bruh bro this is called an intensive for a reason ive never had to think about my body so much its unnerving and exciting

i cleaned off my desk after the first class because my bed is NOT doing it today and i feel a bit better (i got some kind of work sprung on me and its due in like 6 hours but we're pushing through) and at least the master class is after lunch and we're just supposed to listen which honey i can do real well

ive agreed to do a live puppet performance on thursday

what have i done

im calming myself down a bit by remembering i dont even know what theyre expecting, their tagline is literally: "risk. fail. risk again." so itll be okay, im just so tired

i think ill just watch it on my phone so i can sleep and ill try again tomorrow

we have to dress up to take our pride pictures and im already laughing because my colors are v small against all black because im like

i am the pride

i perform tonight and iโ€™m still not quite sure how this is gonna happen so of course iโ€™m awake three hours earlier than i need to be

i have the backgrounds nearly finished (just have to hang one up) and im gonna try to do the last person-like sculpture and if it doesnt work ill just use a doll

ive made a sound file just in case i get too nervous

my sister did a test run w me and i got on her nerves but really blessed to have her

we did a small tech i go on in an hour at one point one of the people hosting went "awww" and im taking that as a good thing

rehearsing and trying to make peace w the face that since its a live show it will not be as smooth as i make it in my head and thats okay

its going to be a minute and a half TOPS and im still like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :blobsweats: :blobsweats: :blobsweats:

im so fucking happy and it seems like we have the most relaxed teacher about end of week performances so everyone else is freaking out meanwhile we're literally just going to chill on camera bless up im going to bed I DID IT HOLY SHIT

will i celebrate making it through the conference tonight by watching in the heights or sleeping (excited question marks)
stay tuned

warm ups start in 20 min and i only went to day oneโ€™s cause i was EXHAUSTED every other day and iโ€™m still exhausted but since itโ€™s the last one i think i wanna try
maybe iโ€™ll come in like ten minutes later though

i was going to go the last 30 minutes but it seems like we're doing group things where we observe one another and nope

the peace that comes from being in a breakout room by yourself waiting for your class to arrive knowing they are usually a few minutes late, that it take a while to settle in

there are so many people in my group that i am willing to fight for and my teacher is top among them

i was mistaken the end of conference project is a Lot More than i expected but i keep thinking that by 11:30 tonight??? ill be sleep

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