https://fundly.com/black-nonbinary-boi-trying-to-grow
there is no immediate need. please donate to black trans women and other black trans people in immediate need first. i have this open til 12/21.
if you share please make sure no one in my family can see it, i am not out to them. im saying please dont mention me by name, but also am understanding that this is the internet, so, like if need be, any funds will just be a way to get me out if i need to.
Jesus, im tired.
idk if you want me to write you a poem or something for a donation, i can do that too
posted on the face and bird sites, that is enough anxiety for today
anxiety: *approaches*
me: no no, did you not hear? that is enough for today
self harm, future me this is good you can look
i am gonna take a klonopin because im getting ready to pass out from anxiety but! future me, please remember to look back and be proud that you did not cut or drink IM SO PROUD OF YOU HOLY SHIT
my friend read something that was really tough for me to write and was so lovely to me after and that made me feel okay enough to make the fundly and just. im really blessed to know such love, it scares the shit out of me sometimes
i would change my name Today (or start the process) but my dad gets the mail like we joke he's Mister from color purple because no one else gets the mail and well.
i just ordered a binder! thank yall for donating 
im trying to give myself time instead of overwhelming myself and trying to do everything at once so ill focus on what i can control and that's the binder. the name and taking T will just have to be much later (i gave myself such bad panic attacks/ideations cause family reactions) but I'm giving myself 3 years (30 sounds nice) just so I feel like I have time. I just have to give myself time.
transphobia, family shit
my grandma called and to hear everyone in the room laugh at my cousin changing his name and "im gonna call him what his mama named him" was Sobering to say the least
transphobia, family shit
every day i am so excited for the *click* of my bedroom door closing with me on the right side of it
anyways i dreamt i had enough to do like 3 months of T (i just want my voice deeper 😩😫) so like for that + some other shit to happen directly after it my ancestors like DONT DO THAT YET and i appreciate God for it
the way i am able to Give Up just completely shut my shit down would be impressive if it wasnt so like debilitating
in a somewhat odd turn of events, since i feel so bad about this i turned to revry to see if its worth it and im watching the first episode of gay mean girls and i lOVE THIS
the binder came in lets see what all this is
the black best friend surprised their asian friend with a binder while at a gsa meeting WHAT WORLD IS THIS AND HOW CAN I HAVE IT (in the group the teacher uses they/them but outside the class uses he/him) wAIT now i need to know more about them
ive missed parts because family is here/etc. and she jUST TOLD HER BEST FRIEND SHE LIKED HER and that best friend was not having it but she handled it like a champ holy shit / i mean she's crying into her pillow now but honestly mood
binder shit
the binder is like too tight and ive resigned myself to like letting this shit go for a while (until the next time it appears which will probably be in 4.73 minutes) its fine it fits probably i just gotta figure some shit out
"its easy to put her on a pedastal because she gets things easier cause she's white" LETS GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"can we be friends?"
"arent we already?"
I AM ALIVE
wAIT THEYRE TRYING? that was pretty brave on both ends tbh
"promposal part II: the emotional intelligence edition"
WHO WROTE THIS
these babies immediately after coming out and being terrified are like WE HAVE TO PROTECT ANY OTHER LGBTQ+ KIDS WHO NEED US
theyre like 16 i love them
my mom is letting me hide in my room til its like absolutely time for me to be with everyone else
God bless her
"you should carry a plant around for all the oxygen you waste"
what do you even say to that
ITS A BLACK BLACK COUPLE~!!!!!
uh oh this girl is being very White Qu**r and im like i shouldve seen it coming and YET
THEY SHOWED THE MEME OF A WHITE PERSON PUTTING QUEERNESS AS A BAND-AID OVER WHITE GUILT I LOVE THIS SHOW
transphobia, family shit
i have more to say but please know im just sad as shit but i was fine a while ago